Without further ado, I present to you the following revelation:  What I have stumbled upon is proof that cloning is, in fact, already a reality and is being used to literally grow the ranks of a ring of child performers and models operating somewhere in California.  Please observe the proof below:

Kristen Schaal

Kristen Schaal's Clone?

What you see here on the left is a photo of the actress Kristen Schaal, who plays the character “Mel” on a popular comedy music show.  Now please observe the image just below that one.  What you are seeing is a photo, taken by me, of a pack of natural baby diapers being sold at the aforementioned friendly neighborhood cooperative grocery establishment.  Let’s apply a scientific test: shift your eyes rapidly at a regular interval between the two images.  Note the cheeks.  Note the eyes.  Note the similar hair cut and color.  It is obvious that this child must be a clone of Ms. Schaal.  Science doesn’t lie.  Not to me.

To what end do these fiends strive, you ask?  I offer you the following hypothesis:  Since the beginning of recorded history, show business executives and managers have loathed the parents of child stars for standing in their way of unbridled profits.  Until now the only hope an exec had of capturing these geysers of cash was to devise a complicated routine of strategically played mind games, financial gymnastics, and legal action ultimately leading to the destruction of the family unit, pitting the child against it’s parents and hoping it would turn to the completely “sympathetic” and calculatedly much hipper management team for guardianship.

Now it would seem there is a much easier way to deal with the “middleman”.   If there are no parents to begin with, there is no one standing in the way of the vasts sums of wealth just waiting to be extracted by these cute smiles and chubby cheeks.  With low overhead due to factors such as the relatively small amount of food consumed every other day, the ability to efficiently squeeze many of these tiny performers into small and, most likely, unlit spaces, as well as the almost unquestionable fact that they have been genetically engineered to “expire” after a predetermined amount of time, these entertainment companies stand to profit handily.

In conclusion, I think we can all agree that this diabolical scheme, despite being a very sound business model, is largely unethical and maybe even illegal in some countries.  Please keep your eyes peeled for clones.  If we can gather enough evidence of this terrible plot and garner some celebrity endorsements, we can band together and fight for legislation to improve living and working conditions for the entertainment and advertising industries tiniest – and hardest – workers: clones.